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Men do not find it easy to say what they really want from their female partner. They will quickly say it was wonderful. But gentlemen do of course have desires. And now you are thinking: that must be threesomes, women in leather, or sex in outrageous places.

But rest assured - men are actually quite easily satisfied. What does a man enjoy?

Below are 12 wishes to be pampered, surprised and loved.

The truth about male desires

What do men actually want in bed? If you are thinking of wild fantasies, extreme experiments or constant variety, you are probably wrong. The reality is much simpler - and more beautiful - than you think.

Research and thousands of conversations with men show that their desires are surprisingly accessible. It is not about complicated tricks or crossing your boundaries. It is about connection, appreciation and mutual pleasure.

Why don't men talk about this?

Men find it difficult to say what they really want from their partner. They quickly say "it was wonderful", but they certainly do have desires and dreams. The problem? Many men are afraid to be vulnerable or to put pressure on their partner.

The 12 things men really want in bed

He wants to feel desired

This is perhaps the most important thing of all: men want to feel desired and attractive. When a man feels that his partner is sexually attracted to him, it has an enormous impact on his self-confidence and sense of masculinity.

For men, sex is often an important gauge of whether they, as a partner and as a man, are worth it. This explains why sex is so important for many men in a relationship. It is not just about physical pleasure, but about affirmation and connection.

How do you make him feel this way?

  • Take initiative for intimacy yourself
  • Compliment his body and what he does
  • Show him that you desire him
  • Touch him spontaneously during the day

The orgasm is crucial

Although foreplay, desire and the art of lovemaking are all important, the orgasm remains the highlight of the sexual experience for most men. This has to do with the way the male brain and body work.

"Men only want one thing", we always say. And although he finds seduction, foreplay and the art of lovemaking all important and arousing, the orgasm remains for most men the ultimate pinnacle of their experience of sex.

Quote Peter Blok

Peter Blok, actor: "I wish every woman could have a man's hormones for just one day of their life, and I am sure that would make them a lot more forgiving."

From How Men Love by Corine Koole.

He has one erogenous zone

While a woman has many erogenous spots and loves to be caressed and kissed there, a man really only has one: his penis. That is where he wants to be touched and caressed.

* We received a lot of feedback on this statement. Many men completely disagree. So here are a number of spots on the male body that also excite and arouse him: his buttocks and his back (and he does not mind nails being used there), his earlobes and nipples (he finds it arousing when these are sucked and licked), inner thighs (he wants to be teasingly caressed there), his feet (massage leads to sexual arousal for him) and his neck (he wants to be sensually kissed there).

He wants to watch

How do you seduce a man? Men are visually oriented. Unlike women who much prefer to read and then use their imagination.

Men love to watch women, how they move with and without clothing. Men feel the tension rise when they are allowed to watch (or spy on her) as she caresses her own body, undresses or plays with herself. They will be pleasantly surprised if you perform a striptease, or bring out a toy, such as a (small) vibrator.

He wants tips and hints

For men, it is difficult to gauge what their partner enjoys. They appreciate guidance and like to be redirected from time to time.

  • Tell him what you enjoy
  • Guide his hands to the right spots
  • Use 'sex talk' - this can be exceptionally arousing
  • Be positive in your feedback

He wants to laugh

"Women are often far too serious in bed. A bit of laughing together can relieve stress," say men according to the results of a survey. Men do not like deadly serious women, but mocking laughter or excessively silly behaviour has a disastrous effect on their masculinity and self-confidence.

Humour between the sheets also contributes to the uniqueness of the sexual relationship and makes it personal and intimate. A comedy show is not appreciated, but do consider an exciting role play.

He wants a woman who enjoys herself

Men want women who enjoy making love. Women can be insecure about their bodies, but men often see that very same body quite differently. Most men feel very flattered when a woman has made herself look beautiful for him, and it makes little difference whether the woman is thin or curvy, has cellulite or no longer has the tightest tummy.

Men love women who have desire and pleasure in sex and show him that, by taking the initiative, for example, or sharing a fantasy.

Javier Guzman, comedian: "I want a woman who dares to surrender, to me, to both of us. But most women protect themselves.

Women are insecure. They are ashamed of certain body parts, a shame of which I usually think, what is she talking about, what is wrong with that belly, those breasts."

From How Men Love by Corine Koole.

He wants variety

Routine and monotony are deadly for his desire and lust. A man does not want predictable sex. He does not want to know in advance exactly what is going to happen. He wants variety in his sex life. So surprise him and make love in a different place or do it differently. Caressing, kissing, massaging - all forms of sex. And break through the barrier of using toys and buy a beautiful vibrator or a beautiful romantic or erotic film. Or surprise him with a special lingam massage.

More ideas for variety? Research by the magazine Esquire produced a "sexual wish list" of men. At the top: playing with blindfolds, being tied up and tying up, use of sex toys, anal sex, watching an erotic film together, sex on a plane, a dominant bed partner and a threesome with another woman.

He wants oral pleasure

Every man loves it when his bed partner pleasures him orally. Research by the magazine Esquire even showed that half of men wished their partner would do it more often.

In the tantric and Taoist traditions, fellatio has been considered a very spiritual act for centuries. There is an energy pathway running from the upper lip to the genitals, which is why kissing is so erotic.

The Kama Sutra also considers fellatio (oral sex performed on a man) to be a great sexual art form. What should such a fellatio look like according to him? That varies per man. So many men, so many desires and preferences. One man finds it pleasurable when his balls are involved, while another finds that irritating. Some men find the sensation of warm and cold very arousing. You can alternate your warm mouth with a cold ice cube for this. The best advice: ask him what he enjoys.

He does not want outdoors

Outdoor sex shows courage, and since many men consider themselves a tough guy, they would love to make love in the great outdoors. That is what they say when asked about their desires. But fantasy should not be confused with reality, as the research shows. Because why roll through scratchy sand or prickly branches with bugs when you have a comfortable bed at your disposal? That is how many men reason when it comes down to it. In short, he just wants a bed.

* Many men also disagree with this statement, as shown by the reactions we received. One of the responses: "I don't recognise myself or my friends in this at all. We actually have the most exciting memories of lovemaking in public places like the woods, the beach, a fitting room or an alley in the city. The thrill of potentially getting caught makes it extra exciting."

He does not want (completely) bare

Completely bare 'down under' is not what most men want. They prefer to see some pubic hair. The amount varies by generation, however. The older, the more pubic hair is appreciated. The youngest generation is the most anti-hair and cringes at a large bush. 50% of these twenty-somethings prefer to see no hair at all. The generations above them find pubic hair rather sexy. People in their forties prefer a cultivated style. And most men over 50 do not care about the amount, as long as it is not bare. Although pubic hair is judged differently by age group, virtually all men consider it important that pubic hair is well-groomed, trimmed and shaved.

He does appreciate romance

Men can greatly enjoy romance, but their sense of it differs from women. While women feel romance through candles and music, romance in men is stimulated by the appreciation their partner has for the little things he does.

How to stimulate his romantic side:

  • Appreciate his small gestures
  • Show him that you notice his efforts
  • Thank him for romantic attempts
  • Show him that his attention makes you happy

Bonus desire: A threesome after all

And as the 13th desire, perhaps one of the hottest topics: the Threesome.

For no less than 63 percent of men, a threesome is the ultimate dream. This is according to a sex survey conducted by Playboy magazine. Whether this dream should always come true is very much the question. For many, the fantasy of a threesome is already exciting enough.

Also fun: Erotic Tips of the Week and fun video in which men are asked about their fantasies.

Great products to give him extra enjoyment

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Practical tips to start today

For more intimacy:

  1. Compliment him on something physical today
  2. Touch him spontaneously - Not only sexually, but also lovingly
  3. Take the initiative for an intimate moment this week
  4. Ask him what he enjoys most in bed

For better communication:

  1. Start positive - first tell him what you do enjoy
  2. Be specific - "I love it when you..."
  3. Make time for conversations outside the bedroom
  4. Truly listen to his answers without judgement

For more variety:

  1. Try a new spot in the house
  2. Plan a romantic evening with his favourite elements
  3. Experiment with touch - different pressure, tempo, locations
  4. Surprise him with something small - lingerie, massage, toy
Conclusion

The biggest revelation? Men do not want that much at all. They want to feel desired, enjoy intimacy, and have a partner who also enjoys herself. It is not about complicated techniques or extreme experiments.

The real secret lies in communication, appreciation and mutual respect. When both partners feel safe to share their desires, the best sex happens naturally.

Remember this:
  • His desires are probably simpler than you think
  • Your pleasure is just as important to him as his own pleasure
  • Communication is sexier than any technique
  • Small changes can have a big impact

Ready to try these tips? Start with one thing you can do today. Your partner will probably appreciate it more than you expect.

Sources
  1. Koole, Corine. How Men Love. https://www.onlinebibliotheek.nl/catalogus/393943100/hoe-mannen-liefhebben-corine-koole
  2. Esquire magazine. Sex survey on male desires.
  3. Playboy magazine. Sex survey on threesome fantasies.

Frequently Asked Questions

What is the most important thing men want in bed?

The most important thing is that men want to feel desired and wanted. This feeling of attractiveness has more impact on their confidence than any specific technique.

How can I better please my man in bed?

Focus on three things: communication (ask what he enjoys), initiative (show him you desire him), and pleasure (let him know you enjoy being intimate with him).

Should women always take the initiative?

No, but men find it very attractive when their partner sometimes takes the initiative. It shows that she desires him and wants intimacy. Variety is the key.

How important is oral sex for men?

Very important. Research shows that most men greatly appreciate receiving oral sex, but preferences vary enormously. Communication about what he specifically enjoys is crucial.

What if I feel insecure about my body?

Men often see your body far more positively than you think. They are mainly focused on the fact that you want to be intimate with them. Your insecurity can be distracting, while your pleasure is actually arousing for him.

What if my partner and I have different desires?

Communication and compromise are essential. Discuss what you both want, find shared desires, and respect each other's boundaries. Intimacy grows through understanding, not through pressure.

Are men's desires really as simple as described?

Yes, most male desires revolve around connection, appreciation, and mutual pleasure. It is less about complex techniques and more about emotional and physical affirmation within the relationship.

How do I start improving our sex life?

Start small: give him a compliment about his body, take the initiative for once, or ask what he enjoys. Open communication outside the bedroom is the first step towards better understanding.

12 comments

Kaal of niet kaal? Na de menopauze verloor ik mijn schaamhaar. In mijn geval geen keuze, het gebeurde gewoon. Het is een onderwerp waar bijna nooit over gesproken wordt, hoewel ik denk dat het bij oudere vrouwen veel voorkomt. Ik heb me er altijd een beetje vreemd bij gevoeld. Net alsof “daar beneden” een soort glad zeehondenvelletje heb……

Anoniem

Grotendeels volmondig mee eens :)

Anoniem

Dit is werkelijk een prachtige site. Seks is natuurlijk voor iedereen verschillend maar hier is zoveel beschreven en duidelijk beschreven dat het voor 90% toepasbaar is op hoe het in werkelijkheid is. Mannen zijn over het algemeen geen ster in het uitleggen wat ze graag zouden willen en waarom. Daar tegen over staat aldoor maar te moeten horen “het is nooit genoeg”. Wat ik nu doe is stukje laten lezen van de site aan mijn vrouw. Er is in ieder geval meer begrip maar ook het seksleven is en wordt steeds een stukje beter. Het spreekt zowel voor de man als voor de vrouw. De site is met zorg gemaakt, zeker niet ranzig en mijn vrouw begrijpt nu ook veel beter het waarom en kan op sommige onderdelen zelf ook beter uitleggen waarom niet. Een aanrader voor iedereen die blijft worstelen met het verschil in seksbeleving tussen man en vrouw.. zo kunnen wij de toekomst in ieder geval weer in!

Anoniem

Wat een gegeneraliseerde teksten. Ik ben een man die van kaal houdt, fellatio windt mij niet bijzonder op, ik heb graag buitensex. Volgens dit artikel besta ik niet.

Anoniem

Heel goed beschreven… zeer begrijpelijk

Anoniem

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